As a parent I deal with “fair” daily. Making sure that Christmas presents and birthday presents are “fair”. That punishments are “fair”. And even making sure I’m “fair” in how much time I spend with each child.
The hardest part is how do you calculate fair? Everyone interprets fair differently and no two interpretations are the same. Now maybe it is just my kids, but in my experience KIDS KEEP SCORE! Even adult kids.
Grief raises the stakes on fair.
For a lot of people, fighting over fair distribution of their parents estate isn’t so much about the items, but about the memories attached to items.
Sister: “It’s only fair that I get to keep mom’s tea set, because she always had tea parties family picwith me.”
Brother: “I think it’s fair that I keep the tea set because she always had tea parties with my daughter .”
Neither one of them are looking at the monetary value of the tea set, merely the sentimental value
I spend a great deal of time assisting my clients in finding the “fair” way of dividing their assets and putting language into their estate plans to prevent fighting after the fac t.
This little bit of pre-planning gives those left behind the freedom to remember their loved ones, instead of worrying about who gets the memories associated with the tea set.
I want to share this article, from Consumer Reports, that gives great tips on how to talk with your children about how things will be distributed.
Who Gets Mom’s Tea Set
Hopefully it will allow them to focus on sharing their memories instead of fighting over stuff.